This is the story about the time I got second-hand Facebook stalked

This is the story about the time I got second-hand Facebook stalked.

It was my joint birthday party and I was with a bunch of friends at Alfred and Constance. It was about 8pm at night and we were surrounded by a crowd of people celebrating hen’s nights, 30^th birthdays and Saturday nights. A girl I had never met before came up to me while I was talking to a guy friend. She was in a pretty cotton dress with a crown of flowers and a badge that screamed ‘BRIDE’. The conversation went something like this:

Bride-to-be: Hi. Is he single?

Me: No.

Bride-to-be: Are you single?

Me: No. But he is. (point to single male friend)

Bride-to-be: Wait – I know you. Did you used to date Jim*?

Me: Urm…yes.

Bride to be: You’re Sarah*!

Me: No, Sarah is his sister. He wouldn’t date Sarah. I’m B.

Slightly worrying bride-to-be: Ah, ok, sorry. Jim’s sort of potentially dating a friend of mine.

Me: Yes, he is my ex. Definitely ex. 

Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: I’d love to hear the back-story behind that!

… expectant, eager face stares into horrified, ‘can’t believe you just asked me that’ face …

Me: NO.

Friend next to me chimes in: You see, it’s B’s birthday, she really doesn’t want to talk about her ex.

Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: Oh, ok. It’s my hen’s night tonight.

Expectant pause.

Me: It’s my birthday.

Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: Ok, bye.

*stony silence

I was in shock from that conversation for quite a while. Let’s get a few things clear:

This girl, whom I had never met before, recognised me from Facebook photos of me with my ex-boyfriend. That’s how many photos of the two of us she looked at, presumably while ‘researching’ him as a potential date for her friend. I got second-hand Facebook stalked.

Secondly, having met me, this girl thought it was the perfect opportunity to do a bit of first-hand investigating and find out about my relationship and break-up with Ex, presumably for any juicy details or dark secrets, like if he cheated on me (which he did not).

Why, in any god’s name, would she think that I would discuss the private matters of my most recent and painful break up with a complete stranger whom I met at a bar while celebrating my birthday? She genuinely looked so expectant and excited when she wanted to hear ‘the back story’, anticipating that I was about to spill everything.

I’ve had a lot of people say strange things to me and I have had a lot of very odd conversations. I am not usually stumped for something to say, but a loud and indignant ‘NO’ was the only word I could manage in this situation. I’m sure if I had been more forthcoming, there would have been subsequent questions and a full-on grilling session would have ensued.

If I met the ex of someone I or a friend was dating, it would never cross my mind to ask them about their break-up. Would you? Would you question the ex to find out if someone is good enough to date your friend? 

Dear Bride-to-be, I don’t know who you were but you might want to tone it down when you’re out in public. You were creepy. I hope you had a fun night after the scaring innocent people incident. 


*fake names 

The super-cool thing I found out today? Napoleon Dynamite was right.

Ligers exist. The offspring of a male lion and a female tiger, they are extremely rare and are usually rejected by the mother.

I never really thought about Napoleon’s favourite animal beyond that it had to be made-up.

Until I saw this news piece about 2 Ligers born in China and now being mothered by a dog!

That poor dog. I can’t imagine Ligers are very comfortable to suckle.

A Liger called Hercules is even in the Guinness Book of Records as the largest living cat. He’s been on Good Morning America.

And in case anyone was interested, Tiglons also exist.