It was my joint birthday party and I was with a bunch of friends at Alfred and Constance. It was about 8pm at night and we were surrounded by a crowd of people celebrating hen’s nights, 30th birthdays and Saturday nights. A girl I had never met before came up to me while I was talking to a guy friend. She was in a pretty cotton dress with a crown of flowers and a badge that screamed ‘BRIDE’. The conversation went something like this:
Bride-to-be: Hi. Is he single?
Bride-to-be: Are you single?
Me: No. But he is. (point to single male friend)
Bride-to-be: Wait – I know you. Did you used to date Jim*?
Bride to be: You’re Sarah*!
Me: No, Sarah is his sister. He wouldn’t date Sarah. I’m B.
Slightly worrying bride-to-be: Ah, ok, sorry. Jim’s sort of potentially dating a friend of mine.
Me: Yes, he is my ex. Definitely ex.
Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: I’d love to hear the back-story behind that!
… expectant, eager face stares into horrified, ‘can’t believe you just asked me that’ face …
Friend next to me chimes in: You see, it’s B’s birthday, she really doesn’t want to talk about her ex.
Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: Oh, ok. It’s my hen’s night tonight.
Me: It’s my birthday.
Bride-to-be with no concept of social boundaries: Ok, bye.
I was in shock from that conversation for quite a while. Let’s get a few things clear:
This girl, whom I had never met before, recognised me from Facebook photos of me with my ex-boyfriend. That’s how many photos of the two of us she looked at, presumably while ‘researching’ him as a potential date for her friend. I got second-hand Facebook stalked.
Secondly, having met me, this girl thought it was the perfect opportunity to do a bit of first-hand investigating and find out about my relationship and break-up with Ex, presumably for any juicy details or dark secrets, like if he cheated on me (which he did not).
Why, in any god’s name, would she think that I would discuss the private matters of my most recent and painful break up with a complete stranger whom I met at a bar while celebrating my birthday? She genuinely looked so expectant and excited when she wanted to hear ‘the back story’, anticipating that I was about to spill everything.
I’ve had a lot of people say strange things to me and I have had a lot of very odd conversations. I am not usually stumped for something to say, but a loud and indignant ‘NO’ was the only word I could manage in this situation. I’m sure if I had been more forthcoming, there would have been subsequent questions and a full-on grilling session would have ensued.
If I met the ex of someone I or a friend was dating, it would never cross my mind to ask them about their break-up. Would you? Would you question the ex to find out if someone is good enough to date your friend?
Dear Bride-to-be, I don’t know who you were but you might want to tone it down when you’re out in public. You were creepy. I hope you had a fun night after the scaring innocent people incident.